Alison Tetrick on risk, fear and forward motion.

I am not a risk taker. Nope. Not at all. I operate on a high dose of anxiety and respect for extreme speeds, danger and gravity. Yes, I am a professional cyclist. Who would have thought this tennis playing-cowgirl-turned-biochemist would become a bike racer? I don’t seek out adrenaline, endorphins perhaps, but not adrenaline. Yet, here I am, eleven years later. Still loving those… endorphins?

I raced all around the world at the highest levels before finding gravel. But even though pavement is smoother than gravel, the journey to this moment and space was anything but immaculate tarmac. I suffered a traumatic brain injury (TBI) and broken pelvis in a crash at a professional race in 2010, and this was followed by a subsequent concussion at the Pan American Games. Then, it was lights out. Broken bones heal, and there aren’t many I haven’t broken, but the brain is in a realm of its own. I curled up in my childhood room at my parent’s house looking at a photo of Serena Williams on the wall thinking, ‘Maybe I should have stuck with tennis.’ She looked brave. She looked fearless. And then I wondered when the words that I was trying to read would stop shuffling the deck. I couldn’t read. I didn’t sign up for this.

People often asked how long it took me to recover, and I have to remind them that recovery is a daily battle. It’s not over. It won’t be over. Yet, I did get back on my bike. I continued to race. I actually came back faster than ever, but I was dealing with a darkness of depression and skyscraper high mental health hurdles. Should I have gotten back on the bike and make my “comeback”? Yes. If I didn’t, I don’t know if I would be here today. Some would call this brave, but bravery is a word that I have built some resentment against. When being told I am brave, there is a feeling inside that knows the truth and tattles on me. I am not brave. I am terrified. Brave people wouldn’t feel my anxiety about descending on my bike or stay up at night replaying conversations with people and wordsmithing previously sent emails that I just know sent the wrong impression. Brave people would just do it and not overthink and color coordinate. Or maybe not.

Bravery is about recognizing the pain and fear and making the best decisions for you. Bravery is about feeling and embracing your honest core. The bike didn’t only just almost take my life away, it also saved my life. If I didn’t get back on the bike, I would have lived in fear forever.

The bike helped me to discover who I really am, and gives that person inside a little bit of a shake and a big hug. I celebrate start lines and showing up. I learned that I don’t want to be defined by results, both on and off the bike. I want to learn to accept where I am at any given moment. We all take risks, whether it is showing up to a race or an event, or pitching a proposal to a potential client or telling someone you love them. We muster the courage and determination to embrace those fears and vulnerability of potential failure. We all have battles to get through to make these starting line moments. This is where courage is found. By getting to that line and asking for that promotion or challenging yourself to be better and taking that first step, and the second. This is where bravery is found. It is right there in you. It is taking the risk to be you. Simply and boldly you. The bike taught me this. I just wish it didn’t require so many falls to realize it is about the effort instead of results.

We don’t need a participation trophy, just the realization that showing up isn’t always easy. And sometimes, showing up and putting ourselves out there in whatever feat we are tackling, is way more difficult and worthy of more celebration than that finish line that someone else created. Getting to the finish line is just the icing on the cake.

It may be a risk to be you but feel that fire of fear within you, embrace it, and be boldly you. That is bravery. That is you.

Straight out of the UCI World Tour, Alison began exploring all things gravel. She won her first gravel race at DK200, setting the current course record, and continued to become 3x Gravel Worlds Champion. In due course, Alison was crowned by event coordinators and the gravel community as the inaugural “Queen of Gravel.” The TBI resulting from the crashes as a professional cyclist awakened her academic pursuits in the desire to understand the healing process of the brain. While continuing to race professionally and work as a consultant in biotechnology communications, she acquired her M.S. in Clinical Psychology. Alison recently introduced AMT Bandanas, which funds scholarship opportunities to bring more women and diversity into the sport of cycling. Stay tuned to this space for more on this awesome initiative.

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